These words have been a part of my life from the moment I was born, maybe even before. I imagine me inside of my mother's womb Waiting wanting longing wishing hoping to meet her and then being born, meet her, but not being healthy enough to go home with her.
I am an adult Survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was sexually molested from the age of three years old up until adulthood. I was sexually abused by my adopted father and two of his brothers. My abuse was at the hands of the same abusers. I knew my abusers very well. The main one, my adopted father, would apologize over and over and say it wouldn't happen again, but yet it still would. For years I thought my foster sister and I were the only victims. After she was rehomed, I thought I was the only one that had suffered at the hands of my abuser. During one of the last conversations I had with this abuser I asked were there others and he said yes. I was so shocked, so surprised and I asked him if there were anyone I knew. He said yes and had a very long list. He really had to think about the ones I didn't know versus the ones I did know. There were so many names. There were even kids he did not remember the names of. He was the maintenance man at a huge apartment complex. He had the keys to every unit. He would go in looking for latch key kids. He did not remember the names of any of the kids from the complex. He did remember the names of his victims in the family.
There are so many reason why I never told anyone I was being molested by my adopted father and his 2 brothers. The following statements/thoughts were either said directly or indirectly to me from age 3 to 22 when I moved out.
Many people go to therapy because of issues with their mother. If you are like me you end up in therapy because of issues with two mothers. Yes, I have two mothers. Not in the way most people think when they hear me say this either. When I tell people, I have two mothers and one father they usually think my parents where polyamorous or that I have two mothers that are a lesbian couple and my father was a sperm donor. Neither guess is true. I was adopted so I have one biological mother and one adopted mother.