Maternal Separation Trauma

What I am going to write about today it’s not easy to write or read about. But it is necessary. 
I am going to write about a traumatic experience that I have lived through and so many people are unaware of. Even people that have lived through it often don’t realize that they have lived through this type of trauma. What I am writing about is now called maternal separation trauma.

It is a traumatic experience for a newborn to be separated from the womb it was created in, developed in, and birthed out of.
How the newborn responds to this traumatic experience and later affected, varies person by person. It also depends on the reason for the separation as well as the length of the separation before reunification occurs if ever.
There are several ways a baby can become separated from the womb they were created in and born from but these or the two most common.

1. Mother passes away during or shortly after birth
   
2. Mother is unable to parent (poverty, mental or physical health deficits)
   

I know first hand of this type of trauma. When I was born my mother was unable to parent me and my two older siblings. She needed more resources and support than her mother and two siblings could provide despite there best efforts. My birth mother was impoverished, living with unprocessed emotional trauma, and undiagnosed mental illness. Rather than get state sanctioned support we were separated from her and resources my birth mother could have used were given to strangers to take care of me and my two older siblings. Our birth mother was offered nothing.
I went from the hospital to the foster care system. I spent the first three months of my life in the hospital from the hospital to various foster homes to my final foster placement at the age of three who then finalized my adoption when I was 12.  
My entire life I have lived with a constant longing that is constantly playing in the background. Always longing for something that is missing. A constant ever present sadness that never goes away. These feelings have sometimes presented themself as anger and even rage and sometimes depression.
I know this is some pretty difficult and heavy information to take in. I share this with you asking if If you know someone that has survived this type of trauma, regardless of their age there are a few things you can do to help.

1. Provide space to talk about it. 
   
2. Ask questions that show that you care.
   
3.  Be ok no matter how your questions are answered
   
4. and then listen without judgment or giving advice. 
   

If you are able to start with these four tips you can make a difference in someone’s life big time. I was not able to get this type of support until I was over 40 and just happened to befriend another adoptee. Because of her I am now aware of a huge adoptee community on various social media platforms and began reading all about what I have been experiencing all of my life. It is because of making this one friend I have been able to take my healing to the next level.

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