Your Authentic Self

It has taken me almost my entire 46 years to know what it means to be my authentic self. The other day I realized why this has been a struggle for me all of my life. I was on this social media platform called "clubhouse" in an empowerment room regarding being your authentic self. Many of the people in the room talked about being bullied by peers and wanting to fit in. They spoke about religious upbringing and how that taught them not to be themselves but who they should be. It was very interesting to me because I could relate but not 100%. I was never one to give into peer pressure or want to fit in. In my youth I there were attempts to bully me but I was a little fighter. I would fight back. After really giving some thought about when and why it is hard to be my authentic self I realized that my propensity to be what I believed people wanted me to be stemmed from the fact that I was in foster care and eventually adopted.
While in foster care all I ever wanted was a family of my own. One that would love and accept me for me. I learned early on that in order to have shot at this I needed to be what my foster/adopted family wanted and needed me to be. My final foster home, which became my adopted home was with a minister and his wife. Most of my life I heard over and over what a misters daughter should and should not do, what a ministers daughter should and should not say, what a ministers daughter should and should not wear. Every aspect of my being was policed in this way. My desire to have my own family was so strong I would go along to get along to keep the illusion in tact. It did not take long for me to not even know who I was any more.
After being in this "clubhouse" room I realized that in order for me to be my authentic self I needed to get to know my authentic self first. After that I needed to stop judging and comparing my authentic self. At 46 I am now accepting my authentic self with love and tenderness. Being willing to share my authentic self with the world is proof. So for those that love it, ENJOY! For those that don't, OH WELL!
If any of this resonates with you please do leave me a comment about your journey to learning, accepting, and sharing your authentic self. Also please do share this blog post with your friends, family and community members. You never know who might need this message.